


Useless Lesbians, Space Rock Edition

by mandaree1



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Ask ur crush how to ask out other women: a sequel by pearl, F/F, Gift your crush a million swords but never confess: a story by bismuth, There's technically no spoilers from the new episode but the Vibe is a bit of a spoiler I guess, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:54:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23057296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandaree1/pseuds/mandaree1
Summary: Pearl, the cunning mastermind she is, decides the best way to ask Bismuth out is to ask her how to ask someone out. Perfect. Glorious. 10/10 plan would recommend.
Relationships: Bismuth/Pearl (Steven Universe)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 145





	Useless Lesbians, Space Rock Edition

Pearl doesn't walk into anything. She _struts_ , hands to her sides like she's about to take flight.

"I think I have a crush on someone," she _announces_ , like some kind of personal epiphany- _water is wet, the galaxy is gorgeous, there's someone I want to spend a portion of my immortality with_. "What do I do?"

Bismuth, on her part, misses the mark on the next strike of her hammer. It's not jealousy, it's surprise, because she was still getting used to having a forge anyone can strut into; _then_ it's a bit of jealousy, but it passes quickly. So what if she has a crush? It's good. It's great, even. Pearl's a swell Gem, and Bismuth should be proud she came to her in the first place.

"Well," she says, trying to decide if she can fix the damage. "Usually, you tell the other person."

"Do I have to?" Pearl whines, flapping one hand around in a very fidgety manner. "I always get so fidgety when I talk about _romance_."

"Ain't no good in tryna hide it, Pearl. You remember how many years I pined after Snowflake?"

"Oh, you took that rejection so _hard_."

Bismuth shrugs. "But they're still my friend and I still love and respect 'em. If this so-and-so can't give you the same, then they aren't worth the dirt they were made in." She pauses. "If they were even made in dirt, of course. No judgement here."

"Oh, stars, no. I mean, I've dabbled with humans, but..." Pearl broke off into awkward laughter. "Oh, but what do I say? What do I _do_?"

"Well, if it were me," said Bismuth after a contemplative pause, during which she absolutely did not consider how she would confess to Pearl. "I'd be real polite and respectful-like. Get 'em a gift. I hear that flowers are pretty standard, but you know me- I'm into swords and other weapons. Makes me feel like I can help keep 'em safe." She handed Pearl the sword, which was awkwardly bent. "You want this? Ain't much good in a fight, but the aesthetic is there."

"It's positively gorgeous!" Pearl chirps, hugging it close to her chest. "But I don't think the flower idea will work."

"Not overly fond of floral?"

"They tend to, well, get a little destroyed." Bismuth raised an eyebrow, and she elaborated; "They work in a hot environment."

"Open a window hot or Earth desert hot?"

"Lava hot."

"Ah." Bismuth got that. She was still disappointed that she forgot to take her shirt off before coming in this morning. It'd been a nice shirt. "Well, have you considered alternate options?"

"Like what?"

"I dunno. Maybe somethin' a human would give. A toaster? A defibrillator? One of those 'snow-orbs' Peridot hyper-focused on for like a month?"

"Snowglobes," Pearl corrected absently. "It's just..."

"Just?"

"Would... _you_... like those things?"

Bismuth blinked at her. "I mean, you know me, Pearl. I like anything you get me." Her face flashed gray and rainbow and a bit white as she backpedaled, running her fingers through her dreads. "Aw, shucks, but what am I saying? This isn't about me."

"Yes, it is," Pearl said quietly, but she couldn't look at her.

"Sure, the conversation is, but the topic is-"

" _Bismuth for the love of the nebula I am asking you out on a date!_ "

Bismuth's jaw dropped. "You _are_?"

Pearl's face was a brighter shade of blue than Bismuth had ever seen before- and that was saying something, having seen her around Rose quite a few times. "How are you the smartest Gem I know but also thicker than White Diamond's heel?"

Bismuth pointed at the crooked sword. "How many of those have I made you over the years?" she asked, genuinely curious.

"Ah," said Pearl. "Well, I always thought they were. You know. _Friend_ swords."

"Oh, I woulda made 'em for you regardless. You know I like to keep my friends safe. But I always put extra special care into yours." Bismuth thought back over the years. A lot of them had probably rusted by now, regardless of Pearl's diligence, simply from all the water she kept in her room. But not all of them. "You still got the one with the gold hilt? I spent almost twenty years on that thing. Mined the gold, refined it, made the special little patterns. It was way prettier than that clunky thing I gave Rose."

Pearl's face lit up. "The one with my facet number written in Gem? I could never part with it."

"I'm glad," she said earnestly. "That sword was the moment I realized I was kinda into you."

"Kind of?"

"Okay, a lot of into you." Bismuth took one of Pearl's hands in hers. "Listen. I know this is a lot. If this is too much, just say the word, and I'll never bring it up again."

Pearl chuckled. "You make it sound like I expected anything less." She laced their fingers together. "When Bismuth the blacksmith feels something, she certainly doesn't do it in halves. Do you recall when I had that armor commissioned for you? You bawled for weeks. That's when _I_ knew I was in love with you."

"It's a fine suit of armor to have lasted me this long, and it stood up well to my upgrades." Bismuth squeezed, hardly letting herself believe they were having this conversation. "Whattaya say, then? We give it a shot?"

"Oh, why not?" Pearl asked, then laughed, giddy. "What's one more go-around for Gems our age, hm?"

"A revolution," she quipped, and bent down to kiss her stone.

**Author's Note:**

> That new episode wreckt me good, it was so cute, so here's useless lesbian rocks. I wrote this almost specifically for the moment Bismuth is like "Yeah I give girls I like swords" and hands a sword to Pearl like "here's the bajillionth sword, hope you like it."
> 
> -Mandaree1


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